Welcome to the Jalen Hurts Show

Well well well, if it isn’t the quarterback from the Philadelphia Eagles (if you don’t get the reference, please educate yourself with some Tim Robinson sketch comedy from “The Characters” Tim Robinson Gun Store Skit). In a season in which we’ve seen Jalen Hurts take the next step from good to MVP(?), we also saw him pace the fantasy league in fantasy points with 344.88. Not bad for a QB who can’t throw.

Mahomes, Allen, our first non-QB, Justin Jefferson & Austin Ekeler rounded out our top 5 for total fantasy points. I don’t think this list would surprise many people, maybe save Ekeler, if we rewound the clock back to August…which is exactly what we’ll do.

August 2022

Remember draft day? We all had a twinkle in our eye, a little extra pep in our step & aspirations of being crowned thee EFM come Jan 1. The A Team had lofty goals, looking for the unprecedented 3-peat. Pronouns: (n) EFM was looking to stay out of the cellar (again) and Dancing in the Mooneylight was looking to hang another playoff participation banner. Each of us huddled around our screens, overspending per usual and leaving value all over the board. As the draft wrapped up, ESPN was up to their usual bullshit with their initial post-draft projections and here’s how things stood:

No less than 180 minutes after the draft concluded, we had THREE teams looking to make a trade. I honestly don’t know if the ESPN app had officially finalized our rosters but if I’ve learned anything about this league, it’s that we have some owners who get absolutely BRICKED up over the idea of a trade.

…and trade they did. As we moved into the regular season we saw our first trade:
– Allen Robinson (Bug Eaters) for Darnell Mooney (Mooneylight)

For certain reasons I cannot divulge what was said leading up to this trade between these two owners but as we can now tell, it really was a trade that worked out well for both parties. This was just the start of an unprecedented FIVE (5) trades for Coach Boz & the Bug Eaters. Five trades in a single season has to be some sort of record but he was determined to absolutely blow up his team week after week.

Let’s take a deep dive into the players exchanged in those 5 trade:

…you really have to wonder what if.

But really I just buried the lead here. We must #NeverForget that Onken’s Underachiever’s traded away Tyreek Hill for Slant Boy and CEH. I am not entirely sure if either of them ever played a single snap for his team. But at least Dallas Goedert was the great equalizer, although he quickly found himself on IR.
I mean robbery like this can get you a 10 year sentence in most state in the continental US.

The runner up for #NeverForget was the swap of (at the time) the WR1 in Stefon Diggs + Brian Robinson for Geno “Steve Young” Smith + Travis “20ppg guaranteed” Etienne.

Lol.

To the highlights…

After all this was supposed to be a regular season recap blog. Alright alright let’s jump into it:

• CeeDee’s Nuts led the way with 10 regular season wins
• CeeDee’s Nuts also led the way with 1800.12 PF
• Free Ridley caught the short end of the stick with 1786.76 PA
• The Replacements + CeeDee’s Nuts led the league in weekly scoring 4x each
• The A Team + We/Them/Boys led the league in weekly scoring 2x each
• Team Okerstrom + Bug Eaters led the league in weekly scoring 1x each
• The highest weekly score of 196.54 (!) points goes to The A Team
• Mr money bags Free Ridley dropped all but $12 of his FA budget on the waiver wire

In Memoriam

Nobody passed however as we all know football is a violent sport with tons of injuries that can completely derail a fantasy season. According to Coach Baker of Dancing in the Mooneylight, his team is the only team who succumbs to injuries each year. So here are all of the players who spent a short or long stint on IR (tbh I am just using players who would potentially contribute to a team):

We can all agree that injuries are impossible to predict and they affect everyone in the league. Although I’m sure Coach Baker will find some spin zone. Anyway, moving on to our year end awards to wrap this thing up…

2022 Year End Awards

Can I get a drum roll please? The moment you have all been waiting for…the awards that I literally just made up but will most definitely be used in future arguments.

• No Integrity Award: We/Them/Boys + Filthy & Herberted
  …this award is for the two team owners who spat in our faces by refusing to abide by the 0.00 points scored per week rule. It brings me no joy to hand out this award to one owner, let alone two. I hope we can use this as an example and remove the award all together moving forward…
• Best Waiver Wire Addition: Dancing in the Mooneylight
  …while there were a lot of transactions throughout the year, I think we can all agree that Justin Fields was the waiver wire claim of the year at his $1 price point. Now I understand he was owned previous however the timing in which Coach Baker not only snatched him but also started him was a major catalyst for his run to the postseason as the 3 seed. 🤝
• Scrappy Team: The Replacements
  …now before you jump down my throat and say “but Aaron, Coach Dittel had arguably the best preseason keepers in Chase & JT and literally robbed Coach Onken blind for Tyreek Hill” I want to make my case. Actually fuck it, I’m giving out the awards. Team Dittel faced a ton of unlucky breaks, ending the year with the 2nd highest PA with 1768.84. A lesser owner would have folded like a tent but week after week Coach Dittel got his fellas ready to play and scraped and clawed his way into the playoffs as the team that nobody wants to see. 😤
• The Transaction King: Bug Eaters
  …between the absurd number of trades and the incessant combing of the waiver wire, this award has to go to Coach Boz. I’m sorry you blew your team up in week 2, this may go down as an all time “what if” stories. I do applaud you though for continuing to fight. 🤝
• The Kyle Pitts Award: Pronouns: EFM
  …this award is given out to the team who bought in to the hype of a player who underperformed so severely, we have to ask ourselves how we got duped so badly. The player that was rostered by Coach Jensen that is the reason for this award…is in fact, Kyle Pitts. Congrats to you Coach. I’m firmly in the buy low camp for Pitts moving into 2023
• Richest Owner: Super Mooners
  …this award is given to the owner who refused to spend any of their FA budget. I have to applaud Coach Iverson for making it through another year of penny pinching on the waiver. He ended the regular season with $197 left in his budget. As a gentle reminder, we start each season with a $200 budget. Kudos to you 💸
• Best Keepers: The A Team
  …anytime you can secure top 3 players at their position is a W. Doing it through the keeper system and for a grand total of $18 (!) Coach Gerdes was able to ride the back’s of Amon-Ra St. Brown + Mark Andrews to the 2 seed. Just incredible roster construction on your part, there’s a reason you are the reigning back2back champion 👑
• The Biggest Overachiever: CeeDee’s Nuts
  …what can I say? Nobody gave this team a chance, including ESPN when they launched their pre-season final standing projections. To go from the pre-season 9 seed and on the outside looking in to the number 1 overall seed heading into the playoffs is just incredible. We mentioned it at the top it was the Jalen Hurts show and you found value where others did not: Hurts, Saquon, Daemon, Nuk Hopkins, the list goes on and on. Congrats on a magnificent regular season, here’s to bringing home the championship 🥂🎉